I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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