She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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