he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I could fuck to npr.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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