I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
