Can i not drive my cunt home
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
