don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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