Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
