We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
