how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
