i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
