She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
