i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
