I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
