Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
