i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
