every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
