Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wanna bring you to show and tell
I faked an abortion last night.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
