you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
