And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
