That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
