I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
