erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
