i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
