Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
