And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
