You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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