I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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