1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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