I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
