She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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