I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
