He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
