i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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