I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
