So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
