It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
