I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm too high and old for this...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
