You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
