I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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