Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Less talking, more tequila
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
