You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
