can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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