she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How external is "for external use only"?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
