I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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