I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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