my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
