oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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