Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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