I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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