her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Im part way to drunk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
